Advice on How to Save a Marriage After an
There's very little doubt that a host of painful emotions
can come to the surface after one spouse learns their partner has been physically or emotionally unfaithful.
Anger, bitterness, grief, mistrust, embarrassment, emotional exhaustion, depression, a desire for retaliation
and an inability to forgive are just some of them. However, while marital infidelity is emotionally
devastating, divorce is not the only option. Instead of letting infidelity be the reason your marriage ends,
you need to learn how to save a marriage after an affair.
Depending on whether you're the "innocent" spouse or the one who cheated, advice on how to save a marriage after
an affair will be different. Assuming you're the person who was unfaithful, however, you'll need to begin by
recognizing that restoring your spouse's trust will be difficult and require time and a great deal of patience.
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Here are a few things you can try:
1. If you haven't already ended your affair, do it immediately. Cut it off completely and totally eliminate any
contact. You also need to ensure your spouse knows your affair is over and a thing of the past. If your affair
happened at work, strongly consider changing your place of employment.
2. Accept responsibility. The decision to have an affair was yours, so never place any blame on your spouse,
even if something he or she did contributed to your actions. Instead, genuinely apologize for your infidelity and
for hurting your spouse. You must completely convince your spouse it will never happen again, so continuing
reassurances are essential.
3. Explain why you were unfaithful, and fix the issues that led to your affair. Your spouse needs to understand
why it happened, so explain what you were missing in your relationship. Find remedies for those issues as soon as
4. Be accountable, trustworthy and available. Make it a point to always let your spouse know where you'll be and
who you'll be with. This might be difficult to accept because you're an independent adult, not a child who needs a
babysitter. However, it's a critical step in earning your spouse's trust. Never forget you'll need to prove you're
worthy of that trust.
When you're wondering how to save a marriage after an affair, you need to know that earning your spouse's trust
will be your most difficult task. Begin the process by always being honest and consistent. Always do what you say
you will do, and never be late for anything. If you continue to be trustworthy it will probably pay off eventually.
You also need to be available whenever your spouse needs or wants you.
5. Show your spouse affection every day. Do nice things for your spouse on a regular basis. Plan fun activities
you can enjoy together. If your spouse is feeling insecure, take the time needed to reassure him or her. Above all,
be patient when you hit a rough patch, which is inevitable.
6. Consider marriage counseling. A trained therapist can help both of you understand what went wrong in your
marriage. Your therapist can also teach you how to rebuild and strengthen your marriage for the future.
When you are thinking about how to save a marriage after an affair, remember your spouse needs to accept and
forgive your infidelity. It's a difficult but not impossible goal. In fact, most couples who successfully work
things out end up with a stronger marriage than they had before.
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